my life

2011-12-28T21:24:00.002+08:00

This blog is so un-updated I wonder if anyone still reads this. Then again, it would be perfect to voice out my thoughts and keep track of how my life had been the last few months of 2011 before 2012 slowly creeps on us.

So after promos (which I really thought I did not bad for by the grace of God ) I was really busy with shoots and COMMA stuff. I filmed for a Channel 5 drama Point of Entry which will air next year, did a lot of blogshop assignments and had photoshoots almost everyday back to back which resulted in a bad breakout but is thankfully clearing by now :) It was super busy and tiring but on the bright side I earned lots of money hehheh. The trip to Cambodia was really good, meaningful and insightful though preparations before and during the trip were pretty crazy. I had a case of food poisoning on Day 3 in which I puked 3 times and felt horrible the whole day but after that I was fine and I could write a whole entry on it but that will be saved for another day when pictures are up :)

Sometimes when you think nothing wrong can ever ever happen, things take on an unexpected twist - a storm comes along and washes you on a foreign shore. You're totally stranded, and you're wondering how the hell you got there. If you truly love a person, could that passion or flame or spark ever diminish with time? How can married couples who divorce say "I loved her" or "I did love him once". And I thought love was eternal. Perhaps I'm just a hopeless romantic, always burying my head in romance novels, but it's not an unreasonable thought right?

In a relationship, is it possible to measure how deep one's love is for the other? Is it possible that one party puts in more effort than the other? Is it foolish for one party to keep holding on when the other clearly doesn't show his/her appreciation for him/her? I wonder if most of the problems couples face are the result of gender differences. Because he's a guy, it's okay for him not to text, it's okay if he's insensitive or uncaring or inconsiderate. Because she's the girl, it's likely she was being too demanding, too picky, too controlling. What if it's partly that, but partly because of one's intrinsic character? I mean, can't you at least put in more effort into considering the feelings of the woman you claim to love and vow to marry? Is too much to even text more often? Is it too much to put yourself in my shoes before going about doing something that hurt me so damn much? And then even saying I was unreasonable.

Of course for problems to even manifest, both parties must have been at fault. I'm not entirely faultless, that I know, but did I do the things you did to me? Always the one waiting for you to take action, to text, to call, always thinking about you, constantly missing you and waiting for you to ask me out, like a hungry person gobbling up the crumbs of attention you give. Maybe I'm asking for too much, I'm too demanding, I'm hard to please, I'm immature, I need to grow up. Should you feel happy that someone is willing to change for you? What if he changes but is unhappy or loses himself? What if he just isn't that kind of guy you imagined him to be? What if, try as hard as he could, he just can't change who he is? Can you accept a guy who will constantly not be able to fulfill your hopes? Do you live in resigned fate that he will never ever be who you wish he would be, and go on expecting nothing from him? Or do you make the decision to find Mr.Right?

They always say opposites attract. But If two people are so different right from the start - totally different morals, values and the way they think, is it possible for them to work out their differences or inevitably, time catches up and they have to part?

How did something so perfectly right turn out so horribly wrong?

And even after all this, something in me is still hoping for things to go back to how it used to be, to wake up to your text, to laugh every time I'm with you, to talk at the park, to have you tell me I'm your gem, to have you tell me why you love me, to have you tell me how much I mean to you, to have you think the world of me, to have you treat me like I'm your precious and for us to be happy again.

But yet, there's a voice telling me to move on, to give up. The ocean is deep and wide, and there are plenty of fishes outside..

2011-10-14T21:36:00.047+08:00

It's been YEARSSSS since I last blogged. First there was the preparation for Promos and then the post-promos slacking so I never got round to updating my blog. I wouldn't say I studied superly extremely hard for promos, but I guess I studied hard enough for my own expectations. By the time promos was here, I kinda burnt out and after the third paper Math, I was already in holiday mode.

Although that period of time was really hard and tedious, I'm glad that I got to experience God during the promos period. Really grateful that our oorahs continued to meet up in the morning before every paper to commit the exam to God and also to encourage each other. I guess the most miraculous thing was that even though my period came on the day of Math paper, I was still able to take the paper peacefully. I always have really terrible cramps when it's that time of the month, anybody who knows me will know of this unfortunate condition of mine. But praise the Lord I did not feel any discomfort or pain at all on that Wednesday morning and I was so thankful and happy for this miracle that I did my Math paper singing worship songs haha.

I honestly don't know how I'd do for promos, but I guess it's really all in God's hands and I have nothing to worry about. I hope I'll be able to take H3, and if I could, I would take H3 Biology (;

So after promos I spent my time going for castings, hanging out with friends, chilling and practically having a life (; Of course I felt depressed and sad now that I had to spend less time with ks, but I guess it made me stronger in a sense. When you become too attached to someone, and when that someone leaves you, you're gonna feel really empty and lonely. So why not hold on to God, who will forever be with us? The road is tough but I'll get out of it eventually.

Post-promos activites!

Lion King musical with a few of the 3J girls. It was so lovely the props, costumes, stage were really awesome and the baby simba was really cute!!! I think it's still showing now so if you have the chance go catch it! We were really lucky cos we actualy bought the $125 ticket but since we bought it a week in advance we got upgraded to the $165 ticket seats and the view was super good!!

Me and Christabel(:

Li hui, Chris, Clara, Wen qi and me!

Haha the flash was too bright

Upside down plus the trees make us look like we're in a jungle

Trying to do some hair flick thing but obviously failing LOL

Took a gazillion pictures and these are just a few of them

Fail LOVE );

Volleyball ORA which was a day of volleyball where we played against our ancestors. We played against J6s, J5s for the girls and the guys had a team of 45 and above adults! Was so worried for them whenever they dived to catch the ball cos they might just break their bones or something. I guess it was quite fun, especially when we won the J6s which was so exhilarating because it gives us confidence and hope(: I just like the feeling of victory, knowing you acheived something together(:

Jacjac!

With Shamini, the pro volleyball player

Batch of '83 sponsored us with super good food~

And of course, my belated birthday celebration with my lovely J4s! I really wasn't expecting anything, and I thought we were gonna have a simple lunch and a nice stroll down Holland Village. But after eating our food at a cosy terrace cafe, they surprised me with a hidden album at the magazine stand!!! Was really touched by their sweet gesture and all the effort put into the prezzie!!! So grateful to have my three girls, they are the sweetest!!! I'm so glad fate brought us together through Jap class and we managed to stay close even though we were separated in jc, except for jia le and me. Took lots and pretty pictures at Holland Village, though the place was surprisingly small. Took 4 polariods at 4 different sites, and every one of them is so pretty!!! Maybe next time we shall go back on a food quest and try out all the yummy food there ^^ Love my J darlings (:

Yummy yummy food!

The hidden album behind the magazines!!

Was so surprised when I first opened it and saw our picture in the book, cos I was wondering why our picture would end up in that cafe!!

Cute little cupcakes they got for me ^^

Awesome natural lighting!!

Obviously we took more haha~

Windmill!! that doesnt work...

haha a pretty candid shot!

3 polariods down, 1 more to go!

At a bakery that had the Victorian balcony feel ~

Super cute boy!!!! Was riding his toy car on the road and totally having the time of his life~

Super cute dog which julia and jia le took a picture with

1,2,3,4

All 4 lovely polaroids taken by my polaroid camera thanks to ks ^^

Looking forward to lots of things, halloween party with oorahs, job attachment, end of school, befrienders committee, ocip trip to cambodia etc. Hope to spend the remaining time of the year wisely! Cos when next year comes, I'm gonna have to face A levels )):

2011-08-21T17:17:00.002+08:00

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love poured out for all
This is our God

Promos coming up in a few more weeks, I can do this! (:

2011-07-24T15:50:00.003+08:00

So let hope rise and darkness tremble
In Your holy light

When I was little I used to have big dreams. Be a successful businesswoman/lawyer/doctor, earn lots of money, marry a rich husband, and live in a big house with a big car and have nice children.

But as I grew up I'm not so sure of what I wanted to be in the future anymore. Somehow whatever I wanted to be when I was younger didn't seem that great after all. Whatever subjects I studied was what majority of the people took, and I just followed suit. During career workshops I browse through the booths and I come out, still feeling undecided.

But God says,
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

Today during service we prayed for a family of four who were going to China to do God's work. They had two small girls, can't really remember their ages but if I'm not wrong they are around 4-6, and the whole family is going to live in China for a while. And then I thought to myself, when I have a family next time, will I be willing to give up everything I have in Singapore to go to a completely different country to serve the Lord? Even right now, am I surrendering every part of my life for His use?

I feel so angry at myself everytime when I lose my temper, when I swear, when I think badly of other people, when I get impatient, when I get selfish etc. because these aren't reflective of how a Christian is supposed to behave. Today the pastor said something along the lines of other people having a negative impression of Christians because of the things some of us do which do not reflect Christ-likeness and therefore people aren't willing to join our community. If we proclaim ourselves to be Christians, yet we swear, smoke, drink, aren't compassionate, loving and selfless, and do all sorts of things that bring down His glorious name, how are we living our life for God? How are we a living testimony to His name? As Christians, children of God, the way we behave should be different from the rest of the world. We should be able to inspire others to be like us, and this is how we can reach out to those who have not heard about the good news - by be a living testimony for God, live our lives for Him and His purposes, so that His will may be done on earth.

After church Kim and I went home and we were talking about our service trip and Xishan and all. I realised I really like doing volunteer work. Just interacting with the needy, knowing that even though I may or may not be of help, I still feel satisfied doing whatever I can to help touch lives. I remember I was feeling so encouraged one day at Xishan Student Care when Jon told me he wanted to go to church one day. And that he prays to God. My heart just melted at that instant because I saw God work in His life - a 10-year old boy, not from a Christian family, telling me he wants to go to a church... it was really awesome. I would have loved to bring him to one, but there's always red tape around especially with the parents and all. And I love reading bible stories to small children because when they ask me, "Is it true? Did it really happen?" I can proudly say "Yes, it did. A very long time ago when Jesus came down to earth."

I'm really looking forward to the service trip to Myanmar and Cambodia at the end of the year. I can't wait to finally be able to do something for the children at the orphanages there. After A's I think I'm just gonna go on mission and service trips the entire 8 months. Of course I'll earn enough money (by not rejecting the modeling assignments that come my way and also teach little children piano after I get my diploma) for all the expenses and then maybe go on service/ mission trips for 1-2 weeks, come back and earn money then go again. Awesome. (:

Just a little verse to end off:
"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

We all feel insecure, fat, ugly and worthless at some point in time of our lives. We always think we are not pretty enough, that there are so many other girls out there better than us and we are like nothing compared to them. I used to feel like that, maybe not so extreme, but yeah, always getting played by assholes has dented my self-confidence and self-esteem. But then I realised, who are they to dictate my self-worth? Don't let anyone bring you down, because everyone can tell you you're ugly and fat but you will only really be if you yourself buy what they say and yield to earthly criticisms. Everyone's special and beautiful in their own ways because you are a creation of God; you were wonderfully and fearfully made. God loves you and so you should love God, love yourself and love your neighbours as yourself (:

God bless you guys(:

2011-07-17T11:51:00.017+08:00

Few things that I wanna blog about that have happened in my life over the past few weeks.

1. Martini G Bridal Fashion Show

I hereby conclude that bridal shows are the most difficult to walk for! First of all the gowns are so long and heavy, and you can't really lift them up to walk because they wouldn't look nice. Second, you have to put on a smile at all times cos you gotta look really blissful cos duh, you're in a wedding dress and you're GETTING MARRIED!!! Third, you have to walk rrreeeeaaaally slowly because the music is really slow and sometimes you just lose your balance ): This show was even harder because it's not like the usual runway where you just walk straight. Instead we had to walk down two flights of stairs before we could walk. And the audience are seated so close to you it's kinda scary. And then after that we had to walk up the two flights of stairs up again and quickly change. But it was a good experience nevertheless (: And I was the youngest there (as always haha). Was really shocked to find out that one of the models is actually a mum at 34 years old with two kids and she totally does NOT look like it. I think I wanna be like her when I grow up hehe.

Here are some pictures from the show, CREDITS TO CHEN JINFU FOR AWESOME PHOTOGRAPHY (:

This is how it looks like when coming down. Super scared I'd trip and fall. Thank God I didn't (:

First dress!

Second outfit. Love the figure-hugging cut. Gives a qipao feel heh

Check out the flower patterns at the back!!

Love this shot (:

4th outfit

Last outfit!

The four of us (:

With talented designer, Ada

Now i get why brides are so happy on their wedding days. Wedding dresses are awesome!!! (:

2. CTs
B B C C B
Quite upset that I didn't manage to get a single A for this CTs, but I still thank God for my results (: I know I didn't really make full use of the june holidays to study as much as I could, but I'm glad I pulled through(: Chemistry was quite a pleasant surprise - I didn't expect that kind of grade, especially when the paper was mad tough and I was pretty sure I was gonna fail. Plus I was the most worried for Chemistry cos it was kinda my weakest subject so praise the Lord! (: Math, on the other hand, was quite a disappointment especially when 40% of the cohort got an A... ); Guess I need to brush up more on my Math heh.

3. The Rehearsal
Was really quite stressed out over our concert during the whole of this week. I know I didn't really do as much compared to the other org comm members, but the thought of selling 50 tickets stressed me out quite a bit! Was really praying all week for a successful concert and I really thank God for the turn-out and how well the concert went yesterday (; Thanks to all the dedicated performers, cast, AV, org comm members and everyone who came down to support! (: I'm really looking forward to our trip this December! Pray that it'll be a meaningful one (:

A lot of things happened lately, and I just thank God for everything, because now I fully understand why some things had to happen. I learned what it really means to surrender my life to God, to do what He wants me to do, to be who He wants me to be. If some things don't happen according to what we want, or what we wish for, the first thing we do shouldn't be to blame God and ask Him why things didn't turn out the way we wanted it to, why weren't our prayers answered, but instead to trust that everything as going according to His plan and everything is unfolding as it should. Only He knows and sees the greater picture, and we have to trust that His plans are always to prosper us(; And when we can believe this with all our heart, we can experience peace that transcends all understanding (:

On a side note, I don't get why guys are always the ones hurting us girls. Okay not always, but most of the time. I don't know how else to protect ourselves except to guard our heart and never ever fully trust any guy 100%. It's for our own good (:

2011-06-20T09:31:00.019+08:00

Last week of holidays, and I'm still left with A LOT of chemistry ))): But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me so I will go into the exam hall without any fear at all (: It seems like when we're at our most hopeless moment, our most dejected period of time where we turn to God and when God lifts us up. Knowing that God will always be there for me really puts my mind at ease and peace especially when I so uptight and control-y all the time. But it's just me I guess, I can't take it when I don't know how to solve a problem, or when I don't do as well as I wanted to. It's just such an unpleasant feeling >(

I have a fetish for pretty edited pictures lately. Don't they look so much nicer than a normal photo? Brightens up the world ^^

Pictures from Vball chalet and oorah's gathering. Really enjoyed myself with the oorahs; it felt so good just to pig out and talk for hours and hours. And even when we say yeah we should go soon I love that we just all procrastinate and sat around for a little bit more which amounted to a few hours. They are the only ones that I'll tell all my stuff to and I'm just so happy to be able to have a group of friends that care and understand each other, share each others' happiness and pain, always supporting each other and just being ourselves together (: Hope we stay as close for a reeeeaaally long time! Can't wait to have a gathering ten years down the road and see how we have turned out to be (:

Loving the funny faces~

Love!

Hahaha we are such kids(;

Jacjac <3

Almost a batch photo haha. Hope we can continue to grow and bond together as a team! (;

I feel pretty, but unpretty

2011-06-10T21:45:00.024+08:00

Just got back from a tiring but fulfilling day of shopping with my mummy and my younger sister (: Bought an awful lot of things, thank goodness for GSS (: Dad joined us for dinner later and we ate at a restaurant near the Singapore River. I don't get why people wanna sit outside to enjoy the river view considering its dark and there's nothing to look at except a vast piece of black. Plus the river stinks. A bit.

Anyways I'm proud to say that the second week of holidays have been much more fruitful than the first. Made progress with regards to studying for the dreaded CTs, which is like so near yet so far sigh. I'm honestly quite scared, I don't know what to expect, I haven't exactly been studying very hard either, somehow it feels like nothing's going into my head. Like I can't retain any information and it's all not there. Bleah ): Spent time with special people, did special (and embarrassing) things, ate, sleep, worked, painted my nails, thought a lot about You, studied, practised my piano, dreamed happy dreams, studied. First time I've ever felt that holidays were too short ):

I just realised the last time I ever properly dressed up and went out was with my lovely oorahs weeks ago ):

And I'm so glad I get to spend time with jacjac:

Ahh good times good times ^^

And You, my special friend, I don't know what to say, cos there's so much stuff in my head, so I'll just use lyrics to express whatever I'm feeling. Of course I don't mean everything literally, but the gist is there(:

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment you came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see through the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love

-Superhuman, Chris Brown

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take

Baby, when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

-Amazed, Lonestar

If you were to go
If you were to leave
I don't know how to send you away
It keeps hanging on my mind

-If, Taeyeon

I am going to cut my hair tomorrow!!! Hope the hairdresser doesn't screw up =/

2011-05-31T21:00:00.066+08:00

Warning: Picture heavy!!!

Yes, now that Rproject's over, it's time to start mugging for CTs ): The whole rproject experience was great, as would any runway show would be. I am so grateful to have gotten two very awesome designers - Ms Chua and Anqi, who had superb designs! I guess my main aim was really to showcase their wonderful designs to the audience and I'm glad I did that (: Except for the third show where I kept stepping on Ms Chua's long pretty dress ):

I'm so glad I got to make new friends, and everyone at Rproj is really super nice and pretty!!! Like every single one of them. I'm not even kidding! At first I was a little afraid of the seniors but they are all so nice and friendly in the end (: And when people are nice, they seem so much prettier (: Of course, behind all the glitter and glitz there were painful blisters, tears, rushed dressing and undressing of clothes, sleepless nights, all the hard work put in by people from different areas - designers, makeup artists, hairstylists, AV people etc that the audience never got to see.

I dont' get why people have to criticise or judge others - be it the design or the model. If you can design and create a better outfit, or if you can walk a better walk on the runway, then fine, I guess you would have the right to judge. I mean, they get professional people to be judges in contests and competitions because they have the expertise and knowledge to give constructive feedback right. But if you can't do a better job than what others have done, they just try to appreciate the amount of hard work they've put into giving a good show to the audience and enjoy it.

Anyways I love it when my make-up artist/hairstylist is friendly. For some reason, the make-up appears better and it lifts my mood. Super grateful for such a wonderful make-up artist, Jolin, on the second day(: I just talked to her the whole time and it was so much better than sitting in stoned silence.

Thank you to all my friends for the pretty flowers(thought they're dead by now), wonderful compliments, for encouraging me saying "Well done Vera!" or "Good job Vera, I'm so proud of you!", for coming down to support me and for cheering for me! (: It really made the show seem more worthwhile (:

Okay enough talking, picture time! (:

Backstage:

Yong and her crazy hair~

Clara~ (:

My skirt felt like it was falling off!

So Anqi pinned it down for me (:

Sigh tall boy

Lovely seniors~

Beautiful girls (:

hehehe(:

Loving the awesome dress~

Straight face
Smiley face

YOOOOONGGG ((:

Ili! (:

Pretty pretty mei ying (:

Yong sexy back~
With Abigail!!! ^^
Love this (:

Gosh what was i doing~
(:

Love these wondeful camera effects~

Failed attempt at winking ):

Tryna give a mean girl face but ahhhh fail~

Hi aavishka you are Rproj's gift to me (:

And a list of my mug shots begins (:

Angwee ><

Runway:

So many profile-pic worthy shots. Think I'll change my profile pic every week haha~

So cool I was staring straight into the camera!

Lovely pictures that Jacjac edited using iphoto which I mega love!!! :

Bleah this is quite unglam!

My fav couple shot! Good camera angle (:
(:
Curtain call

My only picture with Ms Chua )): SAD!!!!

With friends:

Jac jac! (:

Anthea~ my cute ogl!!

Samsoh!

Lee Comet (;

With oorah chang!

Meiyi~

Yay short-hairers~

Kengsiang and Barathan!! (:

Camwhoring with wei xuan begins (:

Yay love this pic (:

Still waiting for more pictures to be uploaded on facebook! Hehehe in the meantime, PW!!! ))):

2011-05-16T08:01:00.005+08:00

I'm glad I got over this period of spiritual dryness in my life. Thank God for bringing me back to church on a Sunday morning, where the sermon really drew me back to Him. Everytime I drift away or when I'm faithless, when I neglect Him and place other frivolous things in life above Him, when I push quiet time to the bottom of my to-do list, when I only come to Him in times of need, He's always so faithful and always there for me, always by my side, and He never ever left me. I'm always so overwhelmed by guilt and at the same time joy, that anyone could have such great love.

My God is an awesome God (:

A really nice song that really gripped me during worship:

You saw the very day we'd fall away from you
And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for Your touch

We're offering up our lives,
A living sacrifice

We need Your perfect love,
We need Your discipline

Just a little encouragement for all of us facing tests/exams especially GP CT next week:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

and

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

Let your results glorify and honour God's name(:

P/S I'm one step closer to playing this:

WHOO!

2011-05-06T22:32:00.019+08:00

Yay life's been great so far! I've never laughed so hard and so much in a long time and it feels so good to be myself again (; I really miss all my wonderful friends ESPECIALLY MY OORAHS ): and I'm so thankful for a short time with bong anne and grace on Wednesday! And needless to say meeting up with my lovely J4s on fridays is what makes me go TGIF (; Anyways Jia Le, please know that we'll always be here for you even though you're forever so busy ): No matter what others say, you're always this super talented, bubbly, energetic, positive, lively, fun friend that is so wonderful and so beautiful to us (; And Julia, who cares about annoying people. There will always be mean people trying to put us down but we should just love them all the same and give them our sweetest smile (;

Taking pictures with people that matter makes it even more precious (:

Super nice song by Taeyeon I'm so addicted to it hahahhahaha~

Actually politics is quite interesting now that I'm finally old enough to understand what it's all about. Was gonna blog about what I feel about the GE but I'm too lazy heh. May the best party win (:

2011-04-23T08:49:00.002+08:00

Now I finally know what it means when people say there's a silver lining behind every cloud. I'm finally getting better after this hellish period of time that lasted for weeks. Thank you to all my friends who have been comforting me all this while and pointing me in God's direction :) It feels so good to be able to sleep peacefully at night without having to suppress my sobs or wiping the never ending tears off my face. It feels so good to be free from all that heartache :)

Gotta catch up with all my work later, havent been doing so well for all the stupid tests boohoo :/

Yes life is beautiful :)

2011-04-20T19:43:00.003+08:00

Two really awesome songs (thanks to Joey) that really reflects what I'm going through now, of course some lyrics are exaggerated but the gist of it is still there heh.

Good things that happened/gonna happen this week:
- PASSED PI CONSULTATION WHOO! It was seriously like a death trial but yay I survived (:
- GOOD FRIDAY (:
- MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY (:

And thank youuuu to all my friends who have been so concerned about me, texting or even asking about me, and even encouraging me to cheer up and smile - I will be back to my usual self soon I hope!!! (:

Just gotta tell myself, that all's in God's hands, all's in God's hands.

2011-04-14T20:31:00.002+08:00

ohmygoodness i'm dying.

People say emotions are a great thing but now I wish I could just take my heart out and not feel a single thing.

I've never fallen so hard, and it's so hard to get over it but that's the only way out.

I should have guarded my heart more maybe then people can't easily enter and make a mess out of me. Why does the human heart refuse to take orders from the mind?

I hate that I've let myself come to this - the bright cheerful positive vera cries herself to sleep every night and puts on a vacant smile the next day.

I need more happy songs.

2011-04-10T16:39:00.005+08:00

I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris

A really good book I borrowed from church on Saturday, and I'm really hooked onto it ever since I started reading it! The book is not about enouraging us to quit the dating game, not that I've ever dated or been in a relationship before, but rather it questions our values and attitudes towards romantic relationships.

I know I'm supposed to be doing my PI now, but I really needed to consolidate my thoughts because it's so intriguing! Page after page I realise my mindset and my beliefs are so wrong from what God wants us to think. I haven't finished reading the book yet, but I'm constantly jotting down extracts from the book because they make so much sense.

I used to think dating was pretty normal since everyone's doing it. It was okay to have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends or get into relationships before marriage. But that's plain selfish. We have been living in a world full of ungodly values and it has been so ingrained in us that we forget the fundamental meaning of love:

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrfice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:10-11

The idea is that a lot of the things we do in relationships today are motivated by selfishness. We're starting what we can't finish, we're pursing romance when we're really not interested in commitment. The fundamental problem with relationships today is that we've disconnected romance and commitment. People become intimate with little or no thought about commitment or how either of them would be affected when it ended. This is how sin works. It calls us to enjoy ourselves with love without worrying about the good of others.

When people date just for the fun of it, they come to the end of their lives and they find that it is empty. They wished for intimacy without obligation. They wished for sex with no strings attached. They wished for the pleasure of love with none of the work, none of the vows, none of the sacrifice. And they're left feeling emptier than before. Just because lips have met doesn't mean hearts have joined. And just because two bodies are drawn to each other doesn't mean two people are right for each other. Many dating relationships mistake physical attraction and sexual intimacy for true love. A physical relationship DOES NOT equal love. The intimacy is superficial. Where is true joy? It's found in God's brand of love - love founded on faithfulness, love rooted in commitment. Focusing on the physical is plainly sinful. God demands sexual purity and He does this because He is holy. Sexual purity consists of more than remaining a virgin. What if you gave yourself away to the man who ultimately wasn't The One? You would have violated your own standards of purity and ultimately, God's standards of purity. You spend the rest of your life in guilt and regret in exchange for momentary pleasure - is it worth it?

Relationships are not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interst. To care for him or her even when there's nothing in it for us. To want that peron's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her. True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace. Before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.

An intimate relationship is a beautiful experience that God wants us to enjoy. The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings wil last only as long as the feelings last. Which usually isn't very long.

Dating should be the bridge between friendship and marriage. Unless your final destination is the wedding altar, you shouldn't date.

If someone told me that before I read this book, I would think he/she was being conventional and old-fashionsed. But a few pages into the book and I begin to see why. Teenagers like ourselves cannot judge what's right for us in our lives right now. Most of us at least. We're easily swayed by friends, by what the world tells us to do, by our raging hormones so much so that we can't make a rational decision for ourselves. Often times we get into a relationship because of mutual affection and more often than not, it arises from physical attraction. Of course, there are always exceptions to the case. Some people get into a relationship because they feel that they are right for each other, that he/she is The One for them and they don't want to miss out on that. But if God wants them together in the future, their current decision to halt their involvement won't endanger His plan.

Having said that, it doesn't mean I'm anti-guy or anti-dating. I will only date a person unless he's someone I wanna marry. To some others it may be really extreme and unnecesary, but to me it's the beauty of it all - I don't need to date a few guys to know which guys is 'my type' or what kind of guy is suitable for me because if he's the one God wants me to be together with, things will go according to His plan. And looking at the practical side of it, maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy. How many people end dating relationships only to find their ties to other friends severed? The exclusive attention so often expected in a dating relationship has a tendency to isolate them from friends who love them most, family memebrs who know them best and sadly even God. In our case, it means time off studies, CCA and the other commitments that we have. In the long run I want to be able to give my best to my lifelong partner because he deserves it. I don't want to shortchange him of anything because of rash decisions I make now. So yes, even if I like someone, I won't get into anything unless I'm sure I wanna marry him. Speaking of which I'm quite curious to find out who God has planned to put in my life haha.

Anyways this is just my two cents~ Different people have different standards and different thinkings so ultimately it's up to an individual to make their own decisions (; This week have been really good because I've grown closer to God! Spiritual intake is high so yay (Y) Gonna end off with a really nice song wenz introduced(;

Pray that research for PI will be fruitful to those out there who are feeling stressed/worried/anxious about it!!! (:

2011-04-03T17:26:00.041+08:00

This week was a mad one filled with parties, dinners, castings, hanging out with friends and that left me with absolutely no time for work ): So just gonna zoom zoom upload pictures and off to do work!!!

Monday and Tuesday was spent decorating Sa's house and surprising her on her birthday! Bet she was the happiest girl in the world hehehe~

Thanks Ben for planning the surprise ^^

Oorahs with the birthday girl~

HEHEHE we are yoga-ing~

Love how we all look so happy in here~

With the birthday girl! (:

Group shot!

Wednesday I had training and dinner till late at night. Thursday I went for a New Balance casting which was so fail because I can't do an intense face in a running position lolol totally not my kind of photoshoot please haha! Went for another party later all the way at Changi heh

Thank goodness Friday was a holiday~ Met up with my lovely jpoks in the morning to have brunch and talk haha. Love how we are meeting up so regularly even when everyone's busy with their own stuffs. I can never get enough of you guys (((:

YES! A full picture before Jia Le had to go off (as always) hehe~

Met Mandi after that to chat for a bit and walk around Orchard before going for All In The Name Of Art. I swear the kids were so adorable and the performers were so so so good. I really melted when Moses sang his self-composed song 'Rainbow In Your Sky' the lyrics were so so sweet his girlfriend must be the luckiest girl in the world!!! Hahahaha I'm a sucker for sweet gestures(:

With Nicole who was so perfect singing with Esther (:

When oorahs meet its a scream fest hahahhaa

The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home.

2011-03-26T22:28:00.020+08:00

Attended the last training at my modeling agency! I didn't really go for a lot because I can't make it for most of the trainings since I have school, but the models from the training session are so pretty!!! The angmohs and mixed bloods all so prettty they really look like hollywood stars hahahha.

Trainings are super fun. I think my favourite part was when we practised for fashion shows. The whole changing behind the back stage thing where everyone goes into a frenzy just stripping off our clothes putting on our heels adjusting our straps and then finally putting on a straight face for the show as if the backstage madness never happened is so fascinating haha. I really love it its such a great experience. My half-turns still suck though it's really different when you walk with a mirror in front of you and without.

Oh pause its 11.11 let me make a wish.

Okay done.

Met Mandi today at training and we hung out for a bit after that. I can't believe how alike we are apart from cutting our lovely long hair for hairshows, having a widow's peak and a moustache with most people don't have hehe. We are similar in the way we deal with the guy we like etc except maybe she's a bit naughtier and wilder than me hehe. Really glad I got into modeling cos I get to meet all these awesome people outside of my comfort zone, outside of the sheltered Raffles Family (like I've mentioned before). Can't wait to cya again Mandi!!! <3

Haha Mandi why you so cute ((:

Spastic shot

Loving how your hair looks Mandi~

Lovin our short hair~

All the best to my friends who are campaigning to be councilors!!! I really hope you guys don't burn out if you need any help I'm a phone call away! ((: hwaiting!

I'm not a girl that falls for people easily but when I do I fall hard.

P/S Very into scarves recently because I bought a lot from Cambodia hehe I realise they add colour and layer to simple outfits so yay! Just that it gets a little hot think I won't wear it with long hair hehe.
P/P/S Music is good for the soul. Have been listening to Secret Garden they are the best - piano + violin + cello = beautiful music. Oh and the harp too. (;

2011-03-22T20:13:00.009+08:00

Filmed for a Canon Commercial today! I guess it was okay, not much fun cos they made us wait super long before we started filming ); Made a new Korean friend today hehe I love meeting new people and see how their lives are. I feel like I'm cooped up in the Raffles Bubble almost everyone is more or less the same they are so talented and super in one way or another its like destined that they are gonna make it in life. And I guess it's just different (not better, i'm not elitist yo) from the rest of the world out there.

Star of the commerical - a gymnast

Super cool green thingy that I've never seen before

With Young while waiting!

Needa do my work now sigh ):

I'm getting so so so confused

Nothing beats Chopin (:

2011-03-20T21:12:00.032+08:00

Flew to Bangkok and Cambodia over the March holidays for a recce trip for our big service project coming up in December. I was really glad I went because I got to see different sides of the group members and I got to experience a lot during the trip. It was really a first for me, traveling without adults to such countries and taking a dangerous route there I am so glad we survived(; It wasn't like we suffered a lot or anything because food and lodging was good - we stayed at nice hotels and ate super good food but the trip really made me reflect and think about what I really want to do in my life.

So first we took a plane to Bangkok and it was my first time checking in at the Budget Terminal. I didn't even know it existed till this trip LOL. Then we rode on a 3/4-hour long bus ride from Bangkok to Poipet to cross over the Thailand/Cambodia border to Siam Riep. I guess most of us were really worried about crossing over the border because it's the most dangerous part of the journey. We got scammed at the border by a group of conniving Thai men because they swarmed us once we got off the bus and brought us to a room, asking us to fill in the immigration form and then requesting that we paid a poccessing fee which is totally a scam please cos we could have done it at the customs by ourselves FREE OF CHARGE. And they even persuaded us to book a bus with them on our return trip and told us to pay them first but of course we refused right cos they are such theives and then they refused to show us the way to the customs! Thank God we found the correct bus company and we made our way to the customs safely we were really really lucky we could have been kidnapped or beaten up or whatever but yes we crossed the border safe and sound (:

We visited the two orphanges that we are gonna help in December - Sunrise and Anjali House and I must say that I'm really hyped up and excited for our actual trip! The children at Sunrise are so delightful and adorable, they just surrounded us and clung onto us, jumping for our attention and I just felt so appreciated like our presence just brightened up their day. And the thing is we didn't even do much at all. Something about children just stirs something in me I guess. I really can't put it to words but something just feels right when I interact with kids, when I play with them, when I look stupid making weird faces and funny noises to make them laugh. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing a smile on their faces (: And it's so sad that they are exposed to the harsh cruel world at such a young age being abused exploited mistreated manipulated how can anyone bear to harm these innocent angels?

At Anjali House most of the teachers were ang mohs and we sat in for on of the lessons. There were only 5 children in a small classroom and the ang moh teacher was really pretty!!! Okay that's beside the point. The whole time during the lesson, I was just thinking, what could have pushed her to give up the life she had back in wherever for a month to come teach English at a relatively run-down orphanage at Cambodia? What do I wanna do in my life? I always thought I would get a job that pays me well, get rich and live happily ever after but I'm not so sure that's what I want to do in life anymore. And why is it that though their learning environment contrasts so deeply with ours they are still so enthusiastic about learning and here we are complaining about how much work we have to do and how boring lectures/tutorials are. I think if we did some happiness test thing they would probably be happier than we are which is such a paradox because we're supposed to have so much more than them. But what do we have actually?

Then it boils down to the ultimate question. What are we living for? Or rather, who are we living for? Are you living for yourself, such that everything you do is for your own interest, that everything goes well for you in your life? Are you living for your parents, such that you do everything you do is according to their wishes and you fulfil their hopes and dreams dreams, not yours. Or are you living for the world, such that you do what the world or the media tells you what to do, what is 'cool'? For me my duty as a Christian would be to live for God. And it's easy saying that but to do it is really a totally different matter. And I still need to figure out where I stand in my relationship with God right now because I haven't been reading my Bible a lot and I haven't been going to church either. ):

Enough of the mindless thoughts if I don't stop I'll just keep thinking about things and my work will be left undone. Speaking of which I am screwed because I have a shitload of work to do and I've only got ONE night. FML! D:

Before checking in at the Budget Terminal

Super nice hotel at Bangkok hehe

Super good food at the hotel we stayed in Cambodia

The children at Sunrise wrote their names on our hands except we can't really see them in the picture =/

Successfully cleared the customs!

Such a pretty child ^^ Her brother at the back so shy and cute!!!

Don't even wanna stand next to me when we're taking the picture )):

On the tuk-tuk!

With the friendly hotel staff at Cambodia (;

With our tuk-tuk driver! I wish there were tuk-tuks in Singapore ):

And so we began on our street food adventure (:

6 people to an ice-cream. The rum flavour was yucks.
Don't even wanna be remined of the desert bleah

At the airport at 5 am on the way back home
Super cool we had to take a bus to the plane!

Can't wait to hang out with my lovely J4s again it's been such a long time we properly hung out. I miss k-boxing sigh ); Can't wait for 1st april!!! (((:

Gotta do my work now sigh. Filming a commercial for Cannon this Tuesday yay!!! ^^

2011-03-05T13:24:00.004+08:00

It just dawned onto me that people who don't really know me and read my blog or see my pictures on facebook must be thinking that I'm having loads of fun in my life filming commercials doing a hairshow etc and life must be pretty awesome for me heh.

I'm still learning the art of ignorance - of ignoring the stares people give me and what they're whispering about. In case you don't know we have feelings and it hurts. Why would people want to say mean things about others when they haven't done anything to offend you? Someone tell me please ):

Still trying to get used to my short hair. It feels weird to not bring my hair tie and hair pins to the toilet every morning and now I only spend a few seconds combing through it instead of a few minutes tying it up last time. My hair gets extremely gross when I sweat too ): Not saying I dislike the new haircut, but I'd definitely prefer long hair over short hair!

I feel like I'm wasting a lot of time in my life and I always complain that I have no time to do my work etc but truth is whenever I have free time I choose to slack it away >:/ hate myself for that boohoo.

I miss rg rj is too bitchy. Lucky thing I have my awesome friends to fall back on (:

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart". Helen Keller.

2011-02-28T22:05:00.029+08:00

I was in a Sebastian Hairshow and it was really and awesome experience!!! I made lots of new friends (as usual) and I met lotsa pretty ang moh models hehehe. I had to cut my long hair and frankly speaking I really surprised myself too cos I never thought I would have short hair. All my life I've had long hair except when I was a kid and I had to let it grow but yes, I've never ever had short hair!!! But I guess it was really spontaneous and on the spot kinda thing? Sometimes we just do things, just like that. Without a reason, without a motive. So I guess I just wanted to try something different, have fun with a new hairstyle and just try a different look haha (:

Besides people prolly pay the star hairstylist, Diva, who just flew in from New York Fashion Week HUNDREDS to get their hair cut and I'm getting paid for this so might as well cherish this once in a lifetime chance right! It's not everyday you have a renowned hairstylist cutting and styling your hair haha most people prolly can't afford that!

So first they coloured my hair red but honestly speaking there really isn't an obvious difference so phew I don't have to dye it back to black for school teehee. Then Diva cut my hair on the actual day itself in front of the audience like how cool is that right hahahaha. I loved the make up especially. It's just fantastic. The contours, the shading, the blusher, the eye makeup, the lips, EVERYTHING looked so beautiful and lovely (: It really made my skin G-L-O-W hahaha I was so happy with it! (: I'm really loving my outfit too, it's really edgy and high fashion, especially with the cool booty heels. That's why I love modeling I can do things that are out of the box and I like the whole team spirit thing where everyone just works together - stylist, makeup artist, models etc to give the audience a wonderful show (: That's just beautiful (:

Was snapping pics of my long hair before it got cut

With ANTM Cycle 13's winner Nicol Fox look-alike! (:

Yikes at warped fringe >:/

Loving the lighting~

My make up artist for the day! I love her skills her make up is awesome ^^

Ok the lighting was superb at that seat cos of the natural sunlight but it didn't turn out too good on the cam =/

HOW COOL ARE THESE HEELS RIGHTTTTT !!! (:

Me with short hair!!! (:

With pretty Lana (:

Me rocking the edgy look hehehhe

AWESOME HAIR (:

I look like a doll!!! >:/

Diva, the star hairstylist combing my hair before we took a shot haha

Thanks Diva for the awesome haircut!!! (:

Needed to get used to the short hair haha

The cut is asymmetrical so one side is long the other side is short (:

Haha the make up artist asked if my nose was real or fake LOL!

Yay I'm glad the cut turned out well hahaha my head feels so light now wheeee (:

2011-02-23T20:20:00.002+08:00

School is finally starting properly like with CCA and tutorials and all that shizz so I gotta stop lepak-ing around and wasting my time!!! ): Can't imagine what its like with PW!!! )): boohoo

I am really glad that despite JC and friends and stuff I am still consistently reading my Bible and doing QT!!! I really need to thank God for all the Christian friends that I've met who have helped to keep me in track and not drift away from God (:

With Him I can do all things (:

Check out this great MSN video: A Tale of 2 Cities Episode 3

2011-02-17T21:43:00.001+08:00

<br/><a href="http://video.xin.msn.com/watch/video/a-tale-of-2-cities-episode-3/1gq1mck7d?src=v5:embed:&fg=sharenoembed" target="_new"title="A Tale of 2 Cities Episode 3">Video: A Tale of 2 Cities Episode 3</a>
My scene started from 39:04 to 42:46! (: It's just a super small role with no lines at all and I honestly thought I would be edited out or only get like 1 second of screentime like the camera just flashes past and thats it but I got quite a bit of screentime so I'm quite happy! (: What made me even more encouraged was that friends recognised me and texted me, msn-ed me, fb-ed and I just felt like I did them proud (:

School has been okay so far, I can't stand that we are all turning into muggers, like I actually do my work and bother keeping up with lectures etc but I guess it's good (:

Can't imagine how life will be like when CCA and PW starts haha. I don't really wanna take up too much in JC cos I wanna spend time on modeling and acting too. I find it so sad to reject really awesome overseas shoots or projects cos of school )):

Life is good now, I can't possibly ask for more (:

2011-02-11T19:18:00.035+08:00

Filmed for a KFC commercial recently, and I didn't know so much work was put into a 30 sec commercial!!! The lighting, equipment everything took a lot of effort. It took us HOURS to film one scene, mad crazy!!! Even longer than the Mediacorp drama that I filmed for D: Made new friends on set and it somehow evolved into an outing of sorts cos we went to East Coast to cycle eat prata have fun and chill (;

Super big lighting that made the place seem even brighter

Real KFC food in front of us for us to eat!! But it got hard and cold too soon ):

With Mandi!!! (:

While waiting, camwhore! (:

Chilling at the beach cos we ended early for the day (:

With the Aussie!!!

Group shot! (:

Life is pretty =/ right now. sadface.

2011-02-07T20:18:00.003+08:00

GOT OUR CLASSES TODAY, SUUUUPER HAPPY!!!! SAME CLASS AS CLARAPOON, ONLY THE TWO OF US ARE IN THE SAME CLASS FOR OUR OG!!! AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING (:

ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE JIA LE MY J2 AND CHRISTINE MY OORAH!!! HAHAHAH I HAVE A FEELING MY CLASS IS GONNA BE FUNFUNFUN(: 12so3J !!! (((:

JC has been pretty alright so far, making lots of new friends, meeting lots of new people and I'm just so thankful for everything God has given to me; I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to fit in in JC but everything's turning out so well now! (:

Made a list of people I'm giving vday prezzies to, AND ITS A LOT!!! Gonna die writing the cards =/ hahahha so sad I'm having interact trials on valentines which is NEXT MONDAY!!! ))):

Super excited for the KFC commercial shoot on wed!!! CANT WAIT TO UPDATE YOU GUYS (((: hope its gonna be FUNFUNFUN!

P/S so many pretty girls signing up for rproject ): i hope i can still get in!!! ))):

2011-02-02T15:57:00.031+08:00

ORIENTATION WAS A BLAST!

I made lotsa new friends, had tons of fun and was super high most of the time. I'm so glad to be in BW02 cos the people there are so awesome and nice!!! I don't know what else to blog about cos its too awesome to put to words so I'll just post pictures hehe.

Thanks Clara and Angie for making Orientation SO ENJOYABLE FOR ME!!! (:

HAHAHA love the neoprint machine - makes our eyes look sooo big

I'm starin at chew~

LOVE YOU CLARAPOON!!! So glad I got to know you lovely ^^ Keep in touch!!! (;

Yay Jieru!

BW02 DUSTBUNNIES! (:

Can't wait for lessons to start properly because I need to get out of my holiday mode. I swear my brain is dying!!! Haven't used it in a really long time I think I'm gonna die DDD: Reeeaaally praying for a good class! 2 years is all we've got (yes, batch song is stuck in my head), need to treasure every second!

On a side note I haven't been reading my Bible and doing QT because I just crash and collapse on the bed once I reach home )): As much as Orientation is fun it's super taxing as well!!! Gahh I guess I need to have more self-discipline next time.

Gonna film for a KFC Commercial next Wednesday, and yes I'm missing school but I asked my seniors and they said first week of lectures before Take 5 is usually nothing much so I won't miss out on a lot. 10 hours filming, by far the longest assignment I've ever done! Hope I'll be able to pull it off well (: So exciting I can't wait!!!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Have as much fun as possible before school officially starts! (;

P/S I love sad korean songs!!!

2011-01-25T21:35:00.003+08:00

Just a short post before I crash.

Got back from casting pretty late, and I'm really so tired. ): Went for FOSL elective at 9, which was quite alright I guess, the people in my class were nice (: Went for SNAPP halfway, which really just made me even more sure of my decision to not get into a relationship at this age. I don't know why, earlier on my friends seem to think I'd be among one of the first few people to get a boyfriend in JC, and for a period of time I really thought I would (since most of my friends wanted to anyway), but somehow I just felt it wasn't right... Just a gut feeling deep down...so yeap, not to say I'd totally steer clear from guys, but yeah, no boyfriends, no relationships, no whatsoever.

I have been really thinking about what I wanna achieve in the next two years of my life. JC is exploding with opportunities, programmes, academics, all of which are gonna be much more intense than what we've done in RGS. I'm pretty much decided on what CCAs to join, and I know what I'm gonna take up is really taxing and time-consuming. At the same time I have to manage between God, church, modeling&acting, piano (esp when I'm taking diploma this year)... I have no idea how I'm gonna manage, but I believe God will see me through and with Him, nothing is impossible (:

It's getting harder for me to know when to draw the line between my job and my studies. I mean, school hasn't officially started yet, so I can go for castings, accept jobs etc but when school comes at full force and all my other commitments eat me away will I still be able to make time for what I enjoy doing? Yeah, going for castings and all is tiring, finding the way there and preparing etc, but when I actually film a drama, or do a photoshoot, although the process might be tiring, I still feel great. I guess I just have to remind myself over and over again that studies are TOP priority now and that I really can't afford to get distracted with acting/modeling.

Speaking of which I will have to miss part of orientation on the 27th because I got an assignment on that day. Felt really bad for rejecting so many casting calls (ESP THE DRAMA ROLE WITH PETER HO) and my agent was really pushing me for this, so I just went sigh. Refer to top paragraph.

You are magnificent, eternally
Wonderful, glorious

2011-01-13T19:54:00.004+08:00

OH MY GOODNESS I JUST REJECTED THE MOST AWESOME CASTING CALL ):

It was an ACTING OPPORTUNITY where I get to work with a TAIWAN ACTOR PETER HO (same surname LOLOL) in a drama, playing the role of his girlfriend. It consists of FOUR OVERSEAS TRIP to PARIS, BANGKOK, SHANGHAI and HAWAII all of which I haven't been to before! The pay is the highest I've gotten so far, freaking $2000!!!!!!!!!! Hotel and flight all covered by the client.

AND I REJECTED IT ))))):

I knew it was the right thing to do, if I accept this I would have to miss out on lectures, 4 trips some more, and I'd really fall behind... Right now studies are my priority and I guess I really should know what I want in life right now. Yes, such opportunities are SUUUUUPER hard to come by... but what Yirong said was right, if I get such calls now, surely I'll get it again 2 years later. So yes, these stuff have to wait. If I got this call during the Nov/Dec holidays it would have been a straight YES.

Oh well greater things await! I will get something even BIGGER than this I know it (: God has plans for me (:

For now, I'll have to accept the fact that I've already rejected the call and stop regretting.

HEARTACHE AH~

2011-01-11T23:04:00.021+08:00

Okay so this was how I spent my last two days of holidays.

On Monday we collected our Higher Chinese O level results and honestly speaking I'm very happy with what I got! A2 is seriously not bad right!!! It was so upsetting cos I was super happy with what I got but some people were like, "A2 ONLY" or like, "Why never get A1?" ESPECIALLY MY CHI TUITION TEACHER like wth!!! A2 very good alr ok!!! Anyways on the A level cert its gonna be an A only so suck it up! You're not the one getting the result right!!! ><

Met up with Joey to get ingredients for chocolate making later that day!!! Hahahha we decided to make Jia Le and Julia chocolates ourselves!!! How ingenius right LOLOOL. We didn't really make them from scratch la, just bought the chocolate, melted it and then put it in the mould and added M&Ms and LOTS OF LOVE!!! Heheheh the chocolates turned out super pretty la!!! Where on earth do you get ice-cream shaped chocolates right lol(:

All the ingredients that we used
Chopping up the chocolate into small tiny pieces
Melting it under LOW FIRE if not the chocolate will burn LOLOL
Taking out the chocolate from the mould so cute la!!!
Ta-daaa!!! Super pretty chocolate for my two darlings from Joey and I (:

Decided to put on make up today so I just did whatever I would do when I go for castings minus BB Cream/Foundation (If my skin is good I just apply BB cream but if it's not so good I'll use foundation), eyeshadow (I either put shimmery or earthy colours but I don't use eyeshadow often) and blusher. So that leaves me with concealer, eyeliner, mascara and gloss.

I try not to put on too much make up because make up transforms how you look. You don't wanna apply too much till you don't look like yourself anymore because that's when you get so used to you with makeup that you can't leave the door without any. It's like your make up defines you, which is really sad. I know people from my agency who feel uncomfortable without false lashes or without their circle lens, and I guess it's not good to over rely on make up. You should still look like yourself with make up, just that your features are slightly enhanced(:

So here's how I do my make up in 3 easy steps (:

1. CONCEALER

My skin is okay now, so I don't really have to apply BB cream/Foundation. Just use concealer to conceal your dark eye circles if you have any. My dark eye circles are non-existent now because I get sleep (: Also conceal any blemishes or redness or pimples that you may have.

2. EYELINER & MASCARA

Eyeliner is prolly one of the most important make up product because your eyes are the windows to your soul so it's important to have nice eyes! BUTTTTT the eyeliner shouldn't be the focus of your eye! I don't like wearing super thick eyeliner unless it's for a job but for everyday usage it should be thin! Some girls only like to line the top part of the eye, but I prefer to line my waterline. Yes, it may itch/hurt for some of you but when you line your waterline your lashes stand out more! It defines your eye shape more than if you just apply on the top of your eyelid. I also like to line my bottom waterline because isn't weird to line just the top! It's like only half your eye... the shape looks weird too hahaha it's just my personal opinion la so I line my bottom waterline too. Just one stroke and your eyes will look fuller! Curl and apply mascara to both top and bottom lashes and you're done! (:

3. LIP GLOSS

I absolutely love nude/pink lip gloss. Note that its GLOSS. HAHHAHA I just love shiny lips I guess it's super pretty!!! Your lipstick colour can change your entire look so yes to gloss!!! Shiny and glossy lips FTW(:

All done and ready to go! (:

We planned a lot for their surprise!!! So first we would have lunch at Handburger, then make our way to Kbox at SCAPE. So before they came Joey and I met earlier at the Kbox to arrange with the waitress to bring in the laptop showing our special video for them when we give the cue. Then after that we'll present them our pretty chocolates! We were so nervous, scared that they would suspect something but hopefully it turned out to be a pleasant surprise for my two darlings (: HHAHAHA the video is seriously funny especially the bloopers part CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT AGAIN! (:

Julia and Jia Le, HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THE SURPRISE!!! ENJOY OUR PREZZIES AND CARDS AND CHOCS AND VIDEO!!! Love you guys from the bottom of my heart(: And my Joey Ong! We made a great team hahahha we are super imba; firsts for almost everything and it still turned out so good hehehheheh (:

Last day of holidays, I'm so glad I spent it with you four (: School tomorrow, NOOOOOOO ):

P/S I need to trim my brows! >:/

2011-01-09T22:25:00.003+08:00

I am surprisingly calm I have no idea why.

Everything still feels so distant from me, like it's far far away and there's still a long way to go.

Anyhow, I believe everything will be according to God's plans and I will accept whatever grade I get (:

I guess I will retake if I don't get an A... but we'll see how it goes (; God bless you all!!! (;

2010-12-30T16:58:00.005+08:00

My recent obsession: CHINESE PALADIN 仙剑奇侠传

Okay, I don't normally watch Mainland Dramas but this is one of my favourites!!! The OSTs are super nice...

And one of my favourite actresses is in it!

Crystal Liu Yi Fei!!!

Omgee she is super gorgeous, has that pure innocent beauty that fits the character so well!!! She also acted in Condor Heroes, loved her in that show (: Can you believe she was like 16/17 when she filmed Chinese Paladin?! And she acted with Jackie Chan and Jet Li for Forbidden Kingdom when she was only 18!!! That's insane haha I think she'll be like the next Gong Li or Zhang Zi Yi. Anyways she's too pretty!!! I can't stop watching lololol.

Been reading Children's Bible Stories the past few nights cos I found that book while cleaning my room. It's super interesting and my takeaway is so much greater than when I read a chapter from the Bible hehehehe. Guess I found another way to do my QT hehehe. It's so nice to be a child, I always tell myself that when I volunteer at Xishan and see all the kids there haha.

Alright, 2011 in two days, time to welcome a whole new year! Hope it will be a good one, if not better than 2010 (:

2010-12-19T18:44:00.002+08:00

Another favourite OST of mine from SECRET GARDEN!!! Sad songs ftw (:

It's ... amazing (?) how you continue to affect the same people even during the holidays where we rarely meet up. How can one person make some feel so loved and welcomed, but also make some others feel so uneasy and uncomfortable? And hurt.

But whatever, out of sight, out of mind. I shall just ignore your presence for now. Anyway 10 years down the road we might not even remember each other heh (:

I just realised, I haven't liked a guy in 2 years! *Gasp* My abstinence plan is working, somewhat haha.

Gonna be super busy this week! Not with castings for once, please don't let me get any casting calls/jobs for this week please please please cos I'm chilling with friends and my beloved 415 (yay xmas party!!!) and it would be real cruel to take away that time from me! So yes please let me be free!!! Need to catch up lots with my lovely friends miss them to bits! (:

GAHHH JC is in a few more weeks! I don't know how I'm feeling actually... A bit of i-don't-really-wanna-start-school, a bit of yay-this-could-be-quite-exciting, a bit of oh-dear-will-people-hate-or-bitch-about-me-for-being-a-model, a bit of i-don't-wanna-lose-my-friends and a bit of what-if-I-fail-math/econs/bio/chem?!

Ah well, I suppose 船到桥头自然直right (:

Which reminds me of Chi O levels.

DDDDDDDDDD:

2010-12-16T19:37:00.002+08:00

My favourite OST from Secert Garden!!!

This song + heart-wrenching scene = sad me but I like !!!

Hyun Bin is super duper cute in the drama I love him to bits(:

2010-12-12T14:50:00.002+08:00

Okay, so under Julia's influence I've decided to pack my stuff too. Cleared my room, my table, etcetc. THREW AWAY ALL MY USELSS WORKSHEETS AND FILES (whoo!) and like all the times when you clear stuff away, you stumble upon letters, notes, pictures, gifts etc that remind you of the past.

*This is gonna be rather lengthy and sentimental so read at your own discretion!

So I was feeling rather nostalgic upon seeing all the old letters and it just struck me how many great friends I've made and lost at the same time. Primary school, my first clique '5 Princesses', SUPERRR lame but yeah I still remember all of you --- Weiyun, Gui xian, Valerie, Isabelle and me! Found an apology letter from Valerie to me because apparently we quareled over a movie or something. It all seem so childish now. And then my god-brother Thiam Jie (you know how god-bros were like the in thing then), who gave me a Jay Chou CD for my present and wrote me a *romantic* letter LOL.

And then came Sec 1. I still remember I thought Jean was very charismatic and pretty so I voted for her to be class chair. 108 was a really sporty class with all the sporty people like Angie, Anna, Natalie, Liz... all really pretty and sporty so I felt kinda left out at first? I can't really remember lol. Received a whole lot of letters, mostly from my lovely angel and god-angel. To my surprise I also exchanged letters between Carly (I didn't even know we were that close) but somehow we stopped. Then I saw a letter from Nicole, telling me to cheer up and that she and Nico will always be there for me. And I remembered we used to hang out together last time but I always felt that the two of them were closer to each other than to me (also cos like, their names were similar lol) so I kinda left to hang out with other people. I don't remember telling them that... and I really can't remember what happened between us cos everything is just a fuzzy blur in my mind but I remember being really mean and nasty to them, like ignoring them and stuff... okay I am really embarrassed by my childish behaviour... ): And then there was Stacy and Tiffany and Kay yi and Inez... (:

Progressed to Sec 2, and FARM got "created" with Stacy Tiffany Ruoxi Jaclyn and me, and I also got closer to my Sec 1 mates that went to 207 with me like Liyong, Iliana and Jiayun. The class was good, no politics or major cliques or bitching-about-a-certain-classmate scenarios and I pretty much enjoyed it(: Sec 2 was also when my grades suddenly improved, and it really took me by surprise. And then there was a period of time that I really do not wish to remember before Taiwan Immersion came. Super glad I got to know ZANN, by far my closest senior! Was super fun bunking with Inez, Jiayun and Shuwen. Also made close friends like Ryan and Joseph whom I can confide in and tell all my troubles to etcetc. Stuff also happened on the trip and now that I think back about it... it was really quite silly lol.

And on to Sec 3, new class new environment... was dreading it at first but later it turned out to be the BEST class I've ever been in (: Also the class that changed me for the better, turned me into a nicer and more forgiving person. Got super close to Kim (and stayed super in touch with Jaclyn), Jieru and Bong and a few 315-ers. (Got really really attached to the ENTIRE class only in Sec 4). Also got really close to my J4 darlings Julia Joey and Jia Le... and then my last year in RGS, where I really changed a lot, mostly because I go to know God again (was from a Catholic family and have been attending church but mostly due to obligation) through Anne and Wenyuan and all the other Christian peeps in 415 and I sort of found my religion again. So that really changed me X100000 and I only have God to thank for that. Love my deskies Yeqi, Kai'en and an aisle apart Yi Wye, really made lessons so much more bearable. (: And then National Day Parade brought me closer to Gloria, Yeqi and Hemin...

And then i just sat there, with piles of letters all around me, reflecting on myself and my life and.

Would have uploaded pics but haha, it was too embarrassing.

Right now my focus is all on modeling, really hoping that next year won't change everything...Just some goals that I'm striving to aim towards atm:

- Get a print ad
- Get a commercial/TVC
- Walk in a show (Super hard cos they normally use foreign models that are at least 1.72 m??)
- Get featured in a magazine
- Get a chance to act! (Okay my filming for Mediacorp on Tuesday wasn't really counted cos I was just a small calefare lol)

SUPERRRRRRR ambitious I know, but aiya, at least now I have something to work towards. Will update whenever I have new projects! (: Hwaiting~

2010-12-08T10:17:00.013+08:00

I ACTED WITH JOANNE PEH!!!

Haha it was just some minor minor minor role but zomg, it was quite an experience!!! Winnie, another model, and I were supposed to be models with Joanne Peh in the drama 乐在双城 which will be airing next Feb. It was really simple, we just needed to do a simple catwalk and pose for the fake photographers. Also saw Rui En and Zhang Yaodong but we didn't manage to get a picture with them ):

So first we headed to Mediacorp to get hair makeup and wardrobe done. Then a bus took us over to a jewelry shop at Goldheart to film. Was wearing SUPER DUPER expensive jewelry!!! I think the price was like 4,5 digits??? Its insane haha. It took really long to film just one scene and acting is really not easy!!! To act in front of so many people in an enclosed area plus not forget your lines and express your emotions etcetcetc is really really hard!!!

Although it was just small calefare thing I was really glad to get this chance to expose myself to the crew and all, see how drama filming takes place etcetc. (: Hope I get more chances in the future!!! (:

Wasn't supposed to wear makeup that day but I misinterpreted the sms!!! DD:

Had to walk a LOOOOOOONG stretch of road. Luckily I wasn't wearing heels!!!

Finally reached!!! Makeup was almost gone alr lolol

The stars have their own wardrobe so cool!!!

Getting hair done!!!

I loved my gown!!! (:

Loved the jewelry. Super elegant~~~ But yucks at pimple on forehead ):

Rui En waiting to go in for her scene~ She's super pretty la! Joanne Peh too ^^

Finally ended. Was super tired and hungry!!! Legs were aching too but yay GREAT EXPERIENCE!!! (:

2010-12-02T17:10:00.002+08:00

"When God closes a door, He opens a window."

For some reason that sentence just struck me. I guess I was having a lot of problems and issues nowadays, and things just weren't going my way. I don't get the things I want. And sometimes I just feel like my prayers were unheard. But I was glad I didn't lose hope, I didn't lose faith, and I continued to believe in God, continued praying, and I am so happy that things are looking good again. (:

Gonna act in a mediacorp chinese drama next tuesday, and I am so excited and happy to be filming! It's just a small small role, but it's a start! Plus it's my first assignment after so many failed castings so I treasure this alot!!! I hope everything goes well ^^

I've experienced so many miracles in my life, and I only have God to thank. I am so happy to be doing what I'm doing right now, and I will really do my best and give my all for each assignment!!! Hwaiting!

2010-11-27T13:39:00.018+08:00

Ok so the secret's out. Haha, it's not really a secret la. It was, only between close friends, but then later people found out so yeap.

I'm working as a model now, and I really enjoy it. I wanted to work during the holidays and I wanted to do something that I liked so immediately I wanted to be a model. I have been wanting to go into modeling when I was a kid, and part of the reason why I joined fashion cluster was so I could model too (:

I actually started after Math EOY ended, during options. After options, I rushed home and prepared for interviews and it was really quite tiring cos my options timetable sucked and I had no free days. I only confided in a few close friends about my interviews and am really greatful for all their support and encouragement! You know who you guys are (:

After I was pretty much decided on a particular agency, I had to face my mum's disapproval. Had a H-U-G-E fight with my mum over modeling because she just disagreed and didn't like it la. That was like the toughest hurdle but after talking etcetc she agreed in the end(:

Had my first studio photoshoot, which was for my portfolio on the Monday before O levels. It was a 5-hour long photoshoot, and everything was really professional. I was really really nervous because people were there watching me and it's really not easy trying to pose in front of the cam! Haha, but it was a really fun experience and the people at the agency were really nice and friendly so I guess I did okay. Not that great yet, but I'll improve and produce better pictures next time! Would greatly appreciate constructive feedback too! (:

One day after my photoshoot I got a call from the agency saying that I have been shortlisted for their training session, and today was my third training session already. There were other models there, all really pretty, tall and slim (: I know maybe some of you have heard that models are real bitchy and they cat fight alot but I'm very lucky to be spared of those girls because all the girls at the training session were really nice and sweet! When we make mistakes we don't laugh at each other in that bitchy sort of way and you won't feel any pressure about doing the wrong things, saying the wrong words etc. The atmosphere is really good, so I'm really grateful (: I have to work on my walk, somehow I'm just not "fierce" enough yet lolol. Sigh my feet are full of blisters and scars from those killer heels ):

I have also been to a number of castings so far, and the casting places are normally very very ulu, like "is this in singapore?!" kind of ulu, and i guess it's pretty tiring to have to find my way there. And sometimes i have to walk a great deal and then my makeup gets screwed and i have to find a toilet to fix it before meeting the client. I guess it really helps develop my social skills cos you only have 5-10 minutes to impress your client and convince your client to select you. I mean competition IS tough, there are a ton of models out there (and you have to compete with ang moh models some more) and you really have to find a way to market yourself in such a way that clients will want to book you for the job. So yes, I am still figuring my way around...like an infant... and hopefully things will pick up once i get more experience(:

Here are just some pictures from the photoshoot, the rest of them are up on facebook(: Enjoy!

2010-11-17T18:57:00.033+08:00

FAM 2010, a wonderful way to end the year. Everyone looked so pretty that night, all dolled up, face nicely powered on and great dresses to accentuate their figures. I really almost couldn't recognise most of them! I couldn't even believe that was myself when I was looking through FAM pictures. Make up is really amazing lols. I get why most idols are so afraid of showing their bare face in front of the camera now (:

PLUS, LITING WON FAM!!! She was so amazing, how many of us can receite 500 digits (?) of pi and sketch mr A UPSIDE DOWN??? lols!!! THATS SOME RAW TALENT BABE! I'm so proud of you ahhahahahha. (: And mr A with his delightful performance as latte boy lolololols I could never imagine him singing on stage!!!

Ok enough talking, time for pictures! Gonna just randomly upload cos it's only a little compared to the gazillion pictures on facebook. The home page is filled with fam pictures lololol.

With the Best Dressed, TANG LIYONG!!! (:

Lols I think with my heels, I was around 1.8m that night. Imagine Rachel lololols!

Haha we both chose a dress that revealed our backs (;

Koped Liting's Ms FAM sash, crown and flowers for a while XD kekeke
Haha Stacy, Huimin and I got the same dress but I got the one with a different back (:

BEST DRESSED TABLE YO!!!!

"Everyone on the sofas, look here im gonna take a photo!!"
Everyone continues doing their stuff except for a certain lady who just IMMEDIATELY turned around with that charismatic Hair Swirl and poses eagerly for the cam.
REALLY LOVE THE CAPTION LITING!!! LOLOLOLS

lol @ sherry's face hahahah
J4 AGENTS YOOO

Hi, Best Dressed LOLOL

In the lift of Sherry's grandma's condo on my way home (:

2010-10-31T22:11:00.021+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEY ONG!!!

Haha we celebrated Joey's birthday yesterday for her! It was totally cool we had a hoot-inspired theme for Joey, so she was an agent and she had to complete missions to find us!!! We hid at the Fountain of Wealth at Suntec and made her walk around the fountain three times to buy us time to hide the presents. Then she had to find the presents while we hid at the stairs with the cake. And then we made her shout BANG really loudly in front of a poster so that we knew when to sing her the Happy Birthday song hahahha. It was such a fun experience for us too cos we had to hide from her and prevent her from seeing us. And then it was present appreciation time (lols at the name)and Joey cried while reading our letters to her awww. HAHA glad you love it Joey, HAPPY SIXTEENTH!!! saranghae <3

The three of us meeting up early to prepare for the surprise!!!

Me with the chocopie cake kekekeke

Where I hid my present. Julia was about to take a pic with her prezzie when joey called and threw us all in a fluster lolols

TA-DAAAA! Totally korean style lolols

Totally paparazzi-ish. We were one level above Joey watching her every move lolols

AND SHE FOUND US!!! (:

Joey crying after reading our letters kekeke.

Lucky we made her circle round the fountain three times earlier if not she would be drenched lolols

At Astons posing with our prezzies for Joey while waiting for our food to come~

We ordered LOTS of food I was super full!!! ):

Empty plates, bloated tummies.

Agents 001,002,003 and 004 in order of birthdates (:

Got my prom dress (finally) at Marina Square after that. Although it's not like the kind of dress where I saw it and I knew it was what I wanted, I guess it's pretty nice... depends on how i style it etcetc. Thats the least of my concerns now~ At least I got a dress lolols.

NET CARN TMR, honestly I just wanna have fun with the class with this being our last net carn and all. Hopefully the weather will be nice and the sun not too hot if not I might just faint lolols. HWAITING, OORAHS! (;

2010-10-25T13:28:00.030+08:00

KPOP CONCERT WAS A BLAST.

Haha seriously, it was soooo good I really had a good time screaming my head off, jumping and being a crazy fangirl.

So first joey julia jinghan and I met up at Simei to grab something to eat for the concert later. Then we went to expo where the concert was. Walked all the way to Hall 2 and there were LOTS of people queueing. Esp for the standing pit. SONES stood out the most, they were wearing pink shirts and even sprayed their hair pink. I think SNSD had the strongest fanbase that day. Cat 1 queue was really short thank goodness we got there early (:

Went into the hall and realised we were super near the stage!!! That was if the idols come up to the horizontal section of the T stage. We waited as the hall started filling up with fans. Then they started playing some clips of I don't know what but there was the pretty Han Chae Young and the cute Kim Bum and everyone was just getting excited for the concert later!

Then the emcees came out and one of the guy emcee (adrien?) was super hot!!! I saw him on arirang before and he's such a fineee guy kekekke. The female emcee was SUPER skinny. I repeat, SUPER. Her legs were damn skinny like sticks and so fair and white and she was pretty too ahhhh

And then they introduced F.T Island!!! They opened the show I have no idea why I though those rookie groups should open but then Julia told me they had to get rid of the drums keke. Anyways, HONGKI'S VOICE WAS DAMN POWER. Esp when he sang LOVE LOVE LOVE, I fell in love with him right there. Go check out the video on fb ^^

When F.T Island came out suddenly 3 girls from behind just rushed in front to the empty seat in front of us. We were like wth, go back to your seats! Seriously, so annoying, we paid so much more to have those seats, and then you just rush in front??? I was being a bitch a telling them off even though they said please please please I was like no, you go back or else we'll tell security. I know super bitchy, BUT SERIOUSLY. You come in front and wave a stupid yellow banner and block our view and expect me to let it go? NO WAY!!! In the end they went back luh and they should have thanked us because those were PRIORITY SEATS, reserved for VIP and then this ang moh VIP and his daughter came later. Can you imagine how would it be like for them if we hadn't chased them away? Prolly would have got caught by security and chased out!!!

And then next was all the small groups DNA, ZE:A and INFINITE. I don't really listen to their songs plus I didn't know any of them but aiya, they were fantastic anyways.

AND THEN SHINEE CAME!!! AND THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST RUSHED TO THE FRONT IT WAS MADNESS I TELL YOU. We even got squashed in our seats!!!! They just pushed us in like wthh seriouslyyy. But I didn't let it affect my mood luhh SHINEE EH HELLO!!! They performed Noona Is So Pretty first and they came up to the horizontal section of the T stage!!! TAEMIN WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME CANNNN!!! I was just taking vids of him dancing he was sooo hot!!!! Not as skinny now, I think he has been to the gym quite often (: Jjong wasn't there to perform... I think that was why Key was not quite himself keke. But nevertheless, SHINEE JJANG!!!

AND THEN MY FAV BAND SNSD CAME!!!!! I always thought only GUYS would be attracted to girl groups, but SNSD had all the girls captivated as well!!! They were SOO GORGEOUSS!!!! Sooyoung's legs were the ultimate, really. SO LONG AND SKINNY!!! ALL of them were super pretty btw. Like REALLY. ahhhhhhhhh. I got to see Seohyun Yoona Yuri up close I AM A HAPPY KID!!! SNSD IS THE BESTTTTTTTTTTT <3>

BIG BANG WAS THE ULTIMATE. seriously, SEVEN SONGS!!! the rest sang 4, which was alot already! They were crazy, just jumping, dancing and singing all night. Taeyang was really hot that night, I just wished he took off his sunglasses. Seriously, how can see manz. kekeke anyways they were really super awesome that night.(:

During the finale everyone came out and sang to 'We Are The World' and it was hard cos I didn't know who to take!!! Everyone was there, one moment I took SNSD then SHINEE then BIG BANG lolols. Had to keep alternating. Anyways enough blogging, time for pics!

HERE WE ARE PPL

We had to chop our hands with the '1' sign

All ready and waiting for the concert to begin!

SHINEE:

SHO CUTE!

KEY ON THE FLOOR!!!

CUTIE TAEMIN <3

SNSD:

SO PWEETY!!!

LOOK AT THEIR LEGSSS

SEOHYUN!

SOOYOUNG'S FIGUREE ZOMGGGG

BIG BANG:

Taeyang was damn hot that night

Hello hottie (;

Yeap, they should have more of such concerts soon ^^ Hope to see SNSD again!!! ((:

Credit to Julia for awesome pics (:

2010-10-22T22:03:00.002+08:00

I am really stressed out these days. Options are so tiring it zaps all the energy out of me. On top of that I have enough worries/troubles which some of you may know. I really hope everything turns out GOOD. I want my holidays to be filled with stuff, not just me rotting around at home watching dramas.

Did I mention I got booked TWICE today? First in the morning for being late for morning assembly which was totally wth, and I could type out the whole story here but they would just come across as a lame excuse so I shan't bother. And then by a teacher who caught me eating in class which was really FML because I was down to my last bite and you can't really blame me for being super hungry after gymming and there was no one to eat with except friends who were in class so obviously I bought food back and yes, paid for my sins.

Whatever man.

I am in no mood for anything right now not to mention find my prom dress. Ugh it sucks to have almost everyone around you getting their prom dress already and it looks so pretty and you're kinda like the only one NOT with a prom dress yet. I haven't been able to get around to it because options take up my whole week, we have projects and I've been pretty occupied lately with stuff that remains secret unless I decide to tell. (:

Filming for our short film for Media Literacy option today was super fun! I really enjoyed myself even though it was really tiring and embarassing at times but I hope our short film comes out well! (:

KPOP concert tomorrow, I AM SUPER HYPED UP FOR IT! Like seriously, that is probably the only event that is capable of lifting me up from my depressed state. Thank goodness netball carn was postponed so we could save all our energy for jumping and screaming our heads off for our fav bands tomorrow. (:

The haze is really irritating btw. I feel like I'm breathing in smoke bleah.

Haven't touched a single chinese paper and I am going to be SO screwed for Chinese Os D:

Can't wait for school to end!!!

Thanks to allllllllllll my wonderful buddies who have been listening to my crap and giving my super good advice and just being there for me ^^ I would have DIED without you guys!!! <3

2010-10-01T22:23:00.026+08:00

Sweet Sixteen

Yay I'm finally sixteen!!! It's like another milestone in my life lols. Had a great time today, thanks Joey Julia and Jia Le for the wonerful surprise and thanks to all who wished me Happy Birthday!!! So I spent my first few minutes of my birthday over at Wenz's house doing Onechap stuff. It was sooo tiring but really fun at the same time!! Really enjoyed myself heheh. And the cute kiddos made me a card!!!

Super cute lolols!!! (:

Reached home at 12.30 am, and slept till the next morning. Was supposed to meet Julia Joey and Jia Le at Paya Leba MRT to go to this cafe Julia recommended for lunch! ANDDD on the way Julia accidentally leaked out their plans for my surprise to me thinking I was Jia Le LOLOLOLS! So anyways after much difficulty Jia Le and I arrived at the Cafe!!!

As soon as I walked in they started singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY song for me (not like I didn't know already since Julia accidentally told me) but it was still sweet and cute!!! The place was really so cute and cozy! The food is good and the service was great! My three kiddos prepared a HUGE card, a small lil' cake and prezzies for me! It was soo heartwarming!!!

Even decorated a cake for me!!!

Then we headed over to City Plaza to shop!!! Even though it may look run-down on the outside, it really has so many wonderful things inside!!! It's like a fashion shopping centre. There are shops and shops and shops of clothes and most of them are suppliers to blogshops! Got many good deals there, alot of value-for-money clothes. And City Plaza was really so full of shops, we only managed to cover Level 3!!! It wasn't even the whole mall lols.We definitely need to go back there for more! Loved two shops on Level 3, their designs were nice, the salesperson was friendly and they prices were sooooo reasonable!!! You guys really need to go check out the place you'll love it!!!

Those were our two fav shops! (:

Super pretty bag from NK. It's environmentally friendly too!

Tried on a million dresses in this shop. They were all so pretty!!! And the auntie was very nice she gave us like huge discounts (maybe cos we bought alot) but still!! It was a terrific deal (:

We were all so tired from shopping our feet were aching!!! Poor Julia suffered the most )):

Ended shopping trip at City Plaza to go for dinner with family at:
Super good food but we had to wait like freaking long for the food because they were all made from raw. It's not like preserved or anything like other restaurants; they make your food from scratch. That's why it took like a million years to have our food. But it was worth it i guess, long queue outside lucky we got our seats early hehe.

Went home feeling like a happy fat pig until I realise there's MATH to do. UGH. Can't wait for it to be over so I can really enjoy my days eheheheh. PLEASE HURRY COME AND GO!!!

2010-09-23T14:24:00.007+08:00

I'm here to recommend you guys this really awesome drama that I'm hooked on lately.

REVENGE OF THE GUMIHO!!!

Okay it looks scary, but it really isnt!!! It's about this fox that wants to become human, and she has to live with a human for like 10 years. But things happened so she couldn't become human, and she has to live with her daughter.

And, there's this rich family and their daughter has like some weird disease, so they went to consult this really odd shaman, and he says in order for her to live, they have to let her eat the liver (what is gan in chinese, don't know if it's her liver but it's just some gross digusting intestine la) of a girl who has the same birth date as her!!

ANDDDDDDDDDDD that girl is the fox's daughter!!! So ohmygosh rightt. It's really reallllyy good the plot is excellent, full of suspense, keeps you on your edge and superb acting. It really makes you think about life, really, how human are worse than animals (in this case the fox), the love and bond between a mother and daughter, and it's just really really compelling. See, dramas aren't just for entertainment okay. I reflect alot on what the message of the drama is, what every action portrays... and it's so amazing how a group of people can work together to produce such an awesome product.

Anyway it's a really really really good drama you should definitely catch it!!!

Here's the cast!

Beautiful Han Eun Jung. Plastic, but still veh veh veh pretty!!!

The 10-year old daughter who had the weird disease. Must applaud her acting, it's super good!!! She had to act all crazy and sick, her acting skills are AMAZING.

The fox's daughter. Super pretty!!!! She has very bright eyes that light up her whole face. I think she'll grow to become really really really beautiful.(: She can act very well too!

And cute but mute servant! HAHAHAH have to have some eye candy in the show right! He helps the fox and her daughter so he's a good guy (:

And every good drama comes with good OSTs.

Super nice song. It just evokes all the emotions in your heart while you're watching the drama. Really really good!

So yesssss strongly recommend you guys to watch!!! You won't every regret watching it!!! Except for me lah, regret watching this and not starting on math. BUT. It's worth it (: Math can wait hehe.

Yes, must continue watching already. Just finished watching the part where they killed the fox's daughter to take her liver!!! Damn sad DDDDD:

2010-08-31T21:47:00.001+08:00

What more can I say? (: Breathless.

2010-08-30T15:49:00.001+08:00

FIRST DAY OF EXAMS!!!

why am i happy? because the start of something means the end will be near too so yay! Eng compre was expected lah.. i mean how could i expect a super easy paper right... the most DDD: thing was i forgot to write my name on my summary! at least i strongly believed i didn't. i rmb writing my first line for summary, then realised i didn't write my name cos i wanted to leave it at the end. and i remember i didn't write my name in the end! i'm surprised the teacher didn't notice it... which probably meant i wrote my name but i seriously had no recollection! oh well, just have to hand it to God and faithfully pray!

SS was sooo expected lolss. totally copied my pre written essay word for word. but sometimes when things are too good they aren't good. who know maybe when the teachers mark they have exceptionally high standards or something... i don't know.. it's over whatever i don't care.

Jap orals. it was okay actually... reading passage was really good because i didn't noe like 2 kanji unlike usually when i dont even noe how to read half the kanji. so it was good! convo was okayy i guess. i didn't understand some of the question the sensei asked me so i just made up some answers on my own which i am sure did not answer the question so the teacher must have been quite errrr but he didn't show it so i was grateful (; tried linking all sorts of things and included all the things i prepared so i guess it was quite enjoyable (: just smiled throught the whole thing so i guess it should be fine (:

Teacher's day celebration tomorrow, i'm really soorry i won't be coming!!! Jap's tomorrow... and i'm really S-C-R-E-W-E-D!!!! reaaly need all the time i have to study so please forgive me~~~

17 days to end of EOYS!!!

2010-08-20T20:22:00.003+08:00

Haven't blogged for ages!!! Obvious reasons.

So anyways i've been real snappy recently. I know my attitude has not been very pleasant and I grumble at the slightest of things and that is not good bleah. It's not just exam stress but its the whole future and what i'm gonna do with my life stress. I have been shelving that thought away for a long time now, and somehow recently it's been bugging me to no end. I guess my subconscious is finally telling me that i need to consider my future properly this time and I really have to think about my career and blah which is giving me alot of stress (on top of exam stress) because I have absolutely no idea what i wanna do with my life.

So yes because of this I have been showing some attitude so i'm really sorry if i offended/upset anyone ((;

And today... HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMKIM!!!!

You're really one of my greatest friends that I've ever made in my life and I'm so so soooooooo thankful that you are in 415 or even in my life. Can't imagine life without you little imp! <3

OKKK gonna shower and then watch my 9 o'clock show on Channel 8. It's really quite interesting, one of the rare Singaporean dramas that I chase hehehehe. Shall study hard for eoys!!!

10 MORE DAYSSSS DDDD:

2010-08-11T23:21:00.003+08:00

I am forever grateful to the wonderful friends that I have made in rgs. They are really to-die-for and nowhere on earth would you find friends who are so nice and empathising and so considerate (: I'm really thankful for a wonderful class too, where I can get along with everyone and I like every single one of them (: Esp to kai'en my deskmate!!! I feel that I can really be who I really am -- the crazy nonsensical wild person in front of you without having to care what you'd think about me hehe. And it's really great sitting next to you too cos I don't think many ppl can take my shittiness (: And I'm really glad that I can tell you all my secrets, ambitions and everything that I'm too afraid to share with even my closests friends!!! Are you awesome or what (:

So, started on this daily work plan thingy with kai'en and it seems to be working..... not very well =/ I mean I followed the schedule and all (and I'm supposed to be sleeping by now) but it just doesn't seem like I've done alot =/ I promised to do one eng compre and one chi paper every single day but they take soooo long to do!!! I spend like my entire afternoon on those and I'm only left with the night to do revision which fyi don't really work out because I get distracted at night easily and it's totally not conducive to do serious mugging DDD:

Which means I probably have to do the hardcore mugging and everything in the afternoon and leave the eng compre and chi paper at night (; Shall try that tomorrow!! ((;

You know I've been thinking about what I wanna do with my life these days. It's like people around me know what subject combination they wanna take, what they want to do with their life... how could it be that they are so certain about what they're gonna do in the future? I guess it must be nice having a goal to work towards to. Problem is I have no goal, no dream, no nothing! Actually I think I do have a goal/dream of sorts but I guess it's not really considered so yeah. Right now I find studying a chore because I simply don't see any point in it! I mean I don't even know what I wanna do when I grow up (actually I think I do but anyways) and right now I'm just going along with the flow.

Which sucks because I am unhappy. Seriously unhappy )); There must be more to life than this!!! Ugh I want exams to be over nownownow!!!! >:/

2010-08-06T21:07:00.003+08:00

SO today we had national day celebration at our school and i was freaking out the day before because i had to perform on stage...

And although we dint win anything it was a really fun experience. It got me closer to people in the class, i got to hang out with 108-ers and 207-ers, talked to friends from sec 1, got to know new people and more importantly got to experience the love and support from 415!!!

When wenz told me the class was proud of me i really felt so honoured to represent the class and although i noe i'm like super annoying in class and all but i'm really so glad to have such a nice and wonderful class that supports everyone and anyone so whole-heartedly. it really touched me to receive all the sincere mesages telling me i did well, i did good and i'm just really really glad to be in 415 (;

All ready to go!

I love the flower!!!

Gloria super pro with make-up

With the class (:

Ate some ice shave thing at this cool blue restaurant

Thanks julia for awesome photography skills (:

Luciferrrrrr

Still shot of Abracadabra lolss

Some post from Genie

V. lols

With Jia le!! Finally she joined us for swensen's (:

Super good food!!

We got back English a few days ago, and all i can do is praise and thank the Lord. Compre was like most worrying paper out of all that we've taken, and cos i failed eng compre at the start of sec 3 i've had this phobia of eng compre and it totally dint help that this compre was harder than usual!! So i was praying everyday just asking God to help pull through this and just really glad He answered me my prayer and gave me more than i asked for (: I guess this really strengthened my faith and I really leart alot (;

YOU. Sometimes you annoy me to no end. Like seriously. Was talking to Julia Joey and Jia Le about certain people and when i thought about who i really dint like nobody surfaced except for you. See, sometimes when i'm in a reeeaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyy good mood you com across as fine. But when i'm in my normal mood, you are annoying as hell. I don't know what about you, but just every single thing you do pisses me off. I know it's bad and i shouldn't be feeling this way, but you have the ability to stir up all my negative emotions and direct it to yourself. I tried avoiding you, ignoring you, and just when i think i've got rid of my ill feelings towards you, i start talking to you again and it all comes back. Gosh, i wish i dint know you.

Okay gotta go revise chem now!!! Ugh eoys in 3 weeks SIANZZZ

2010-07-27T16:57:00.007+08:00

Food For Thought

So today since school ended early we decided to go for a class lunch at 313. We were at some hamburger place (forgot the name) eating our burgers and then suddenly rain gloria grace and hemin started talking about how chicken, beef and fishes were caught and slaughtered and for some reason i felt really intrigued. I mean it's not like I've never heard about animal cruelty before and all but still, it didn't really register until today.

I was thinking about it alot on the way home, and decided to reserach about it. Was very resolute becase I spent hours researching on this rather than on ss pt which is due like next monday. ANDD i found reaaaaaallllyyyy gross and inhumane stufff.Trust me, after waching ten thousand videos and reading ten thousand articles, you'd really NOT want to eat a chicken.

But how to not when you have:

SHINee adveritisng for this delicious-looking chicken

AND

2AM ogling at all the chicken in front of them?!

And let' face it. Chicken is really soooo good! I mean i really cant resist myself when my mum cooks fried chicken OR its fried food day and stall nine sells the amazingly mouth-watering fried chicken rightt.

To prove my point:

BUTTTTTTTTTT maybe you would like to think about where they come from.

Chickens raised for their flesh, called “broilers” by the chicken industry, spend their entire lives in filthy sheds with tens of thousands of other birds, where intense crowding and confinement lead to outbreaks of disease. They are bred and drugged to grow so large so quickly that their legs and organs can’t keep up, making heart attacks, organ failure, and crippling leg deformities common. Many become crippled under their own weight and eventually die because they can’t reach the water nozzles. When they are only 6 or 7 weeks old, they are crammed into cages and trucked to slaughter.

Birds exploited for their eggs, called “laying hens” by the industry, are crammed together in wire cages where they don’t even have enough room to spread a single wing. The cages are stacked on top of each other, and the excrement from chickens in the higher cages constantly falls on those below. The birds have part of their sensitive beaks cut off so that they won’t peck each other as a result of the frustration created by the unnatural confinement. After their bodies are exhausted and their production drops, they are shipped to slaughter, generally to be turned into chicken soup or cat or dog food because their flesh is too bruised and battered to be used for much else.

Maybe you can't visualize with words:

The most saddening thing is that people actually EAT CHICKEN while watching this.

Comments by some of the people watching the video:
"Same here, actually I was eating chicken WHILE watching"
"Shit happens. This just made me hungry."
"Makes me hungry as well. Got to have some fried chicken today!"
"Food chain, we are the lions we must eat meat."

How their hearts have hardened.

And a more detailed version:

If you think that only happens to chickens...

Cattle raised for beef are usually born in one state, fattened in another, and slaughtered in yet another. They are transported hundreds of miles in all weather extremes to the slaughterhouse. Many cows die on the way to slaughter, and those who survive are shot in the head with a bolt gun, hung up by their legs, and taken onto the killing floor, where their throats are cut and they are skinned. Some cows remain fully conscious throughout the entire process.

And i feel really sad because I watch Invincible Youth, a super funny Korean reality show where they invite 7 members from 7 different groups to work in a farm in Korea. And Sunny from SNSD has her own cow, Greeny, and Greeny is super adorable! They raised it from when it was 3 months old and watched it grow and as a viewer, i feel the same happiness when i see the relationship between Sunny and Greeny grow. Animals do have feelings you know.

And sadly, the same thing happens to pigs as well:

As piglets, they are taken away from their mothers when they are less than 1 month old; their tails are cut off, some of their teeth are cut off, and the males have their testicles ripped out (OUCH!) of their scrotums (castration), all without any pain relief. They spend their entire lives in overcrowded pens on a tiny slab of filthy concrete.

And if you think you can run away from this cruelty by turning to fish... you may be wrong.

In fact, fishing hurts. Tuna fish accumulate toxic mercury in their flesh as a result of industrial pollution, and the side effects of mercury poisoning include finger curling, cognitive impairment, and coordination problems.

Tuna are chased until they move into a tight group, and then a net is lowered around them. They are dragged against rocks and debris, and some fish suffocate from the sheer weight of other fish pressing against them. Large tuna are impaled on longlines—which are miles of barbed hooks that are left in the ocean for days at a time.

Tuna is about as “dolphin-friendly” as a boat propeller. Even if dolphins aren’t “accidentally” trapped in tuna nets, they are still killed intentionally by Japanese tuna anglers because they prey on tuna. Entire pods of whales and dolphins are rounded up and driven into shallow water where all but the youngest (who are captured and sold to aquariums) are slaughtered with knives and machetes. And everyone knows how lovely dolphins are!!!

Ffarmers do often use bats to beat large salmon to death. All methods used to slaughter fish are grotesque and cruel. Fish have their gills slit while they are still alive, and smaller salmon are often packed in ice and left to slowly suffocate or freeze to death.

To sum things allllllll up:

Of course I'm not demanding that the whole world becomes vegetarian. That's just impossible. But all these are happening because demand for them i.e consumers like us are bringing in so much profit for companies that they'd do anything to maximise profit. If going veg is too much maybe we could eat less meat like have Meat-out Tuesdays (like we use to have but sometimes falter) where we simply don't eat meat on Tuesdays! Or we could support organic farming! Animals are able to run freely, eat normal grass, not genetically modified food or some other weird chemicals.

I know it's impossible to change the status quo overnight and like whatever we do prolly wont make a difference but I really can't look at pork/chicken/beef/fish the same way again!

Besides when you eat less of those things you get to lose weight too! I know it's totally irrelevant.. But still!

Anyways, here's the website i got most of my info from. Maybe you guys would like to check it out:

http://www.goveg.com/

Hopefully this has made you feel something.

Okay gotta do SS PT now!!! An afternoon well-spent (:

p/s it was totally NOT very nice to watch all those gruesome videos at all. I wonder how the people killing these animals manage to live everyday without cringing in the slightest guilt.

2010-07-19T21:51:00.003+08:00

As usual Seohyun never fails to impress me with her talents!!! Super nice song sung by her ~

Funny but i'm kinda anticipating SHINee's comeback heh. See what you guys did to me, joey and julia? (:

2010-07-18T09:00:00.006+08:00

Oh my goodness Inception.

It's really so mind-boggling and so deep i think the director must have been a genius or something. But one thing about the movie was that it really got me thinking on my way home after the movie. Dream v.s Reality. And the question 'What is Real' kept coming to my mind. Brings me back to Sec 1 philosophy heh. If we can feel things in our dream, get sad/happy/angry, have emotions then why is it still called a dream? What if we could really do inception like in the movie then how do we distinguish what's real and what's not? I mean if your dream is so perfect and happy and it's even better than the life that you're living now/reality, then why not just continue living in that dream? (Like Leonardo's wife)

And so I just kep thinking and thinking until i got no where and decided to stop thinking heh. And the freakiest thing happened!! I had a super strange dream last night. And up till now i remember every single detail of it! It's really sooooooo freaky cos it felt so real i woke up crying. I dreamt that i was having a parent teacher meeting with mr A WITHOUT my parents. Which is really weird right, i mean PARENT teacher meeting. But in the dream you don't ask questions like that. You just go with the flow. So then we were just talking and then suddenly he pulled out my mcq compre and then he marked it in front of me and i got 7/15! And the joie got 14/15. Which is again, super weird because compres are upon 50 not 15!

And so i woke up, feeling so dreadful because i failed my compre and my heart was beating super quickly. And then i knew i was dreaming. Which got me thinking again: How come in the dream everything seems so normal and logical and everything feels so real, but when we wake up to reality we realise how strange and queer things were.

To top things, yesterday we had CareerKeys workshop and our teacher was talking to us about dreams!!! Said something like when we dream our spirit leaves our body and so sometimes we get deja vu (which is super true!!) and stuff like that. I think i should stop thinking about stuff like that cos I may find stuffs that I never ever wanna know. SO. (:

Pictures!

p/s Super awesome music for your ears!

Chopin's Nocturne 20 in C sharp minor piano version

Same nocturne but in VIOLIN. It's the song that the girl played in Karate Kid. I fell in love with in the first time I heard it during the movie cos it felt soooooo familiar and nostalgic I was certain I'd heard it before. I think the violin's so much sadder and emotional (;

p/p/s I thought God was working a mircale yesterday...

2010-07-13T19:01:00.001+08:00

VERA IS
BRACELESS! :DDD

2010-07-07T14:23:00.002+08:00

Yay exams are overrrr!!! Bio was pretty easy (i think thats why they only gave us 50 minutes) and chinese was okay. wrote all i could and the rest depends on the marker heh. checked and checked to make sure i dont get penalised for stupid things like cuo zi.

Chem and geog left, totally gonna die cos ive been so =/ about chem lessons ever since miss tsang went on mc and geog is just stagnant.

Just started watching Invincible Youth and yes it's a really awesome korean reality show!!! it's super funny, never fails to crack me up hehehehhe. now we got married and invincbile youth are like the greatest source of my entertainment hehe.

Shall watch invincible youth now. Dreading week 3 DDD:

2010-07-03T09:58:00.001+08:00

jokwon!!! hehehee WGM is the best reality show ever!!! i love all 3 couples wheeeee

2010-06-30T20:06:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I fainted on the morning of my exams.

Okay lah not really fainted but i felt really giddy and i couldn't even stand upright. It was like my brain was clouded with green circles and i couldnt really see where i was going and then i just went plop to the ground.

I really thought something very wrong was happening to me. How else could I account for the frequent headaches and migraines? So i started feeling very scared (my paranoia of brain cancer came back) and i decided in my condition there was no way i was gonna make it to say, not to mention do well for three exams.

So after sleeping till about 9 plus, i went to see the doctor with my mum. Doctor says i lack nutrition (must be cos i'm dieting D:) and i'm too stressed out.. not enough sleep/rest etcetc. Then i buay pai seh-ly asked her...."Do you think I might have brain cancer?"

She looked at me.

"Choy lah! You think everybody gets brain cancer? Brain cancer you will lose weight, your limbs will feel numb, you get headaches almost everyday, and it's one in a few hundred thousand cases! Don't think too much okay? If you really get brain cancer you can come and slap me."

And i felt sooooo stupid for even worrying about it in the first place lols. Sigh dramas must be getting too much into my head.

I'm just really glad to be healthy hehe (:

2010-06-28T22:41:00.003+08:00

I am currently crazy over Nickhun and Kim Beom. Seriously, they are like, the two cutest guys on earth or something. How can they be so good-looking!!! AHHH -faints-

Besides fangirling over them i also fangirled over seohyun and yuri hehe. It's totally normal for girls to fangirl over girls okay, thousands of girls do that its not just me! Plus they are really soooooooooooooooooooooo pretty i cant even hate them even if i wanted to. Sigh Korea has all the beautiful people.

Exams are in two days time but i'm not getting the jitters. Is it because i don't care anymore or what. I have no idea. I think I've sort of given up alr. Future plan: Marry rich guy and be a taitai. Don't even have to work so hard heh. But can't depend too much on guys. Later he divorce me then i end up penniless then i'll really just die.

Anyways. Main point is. School sucks. I had to try so hard not to fall asleep during geog today! And i really have no idea what to do for ss sa. i think my 4.0 streak is gonna break this exam. SADNESS.

Good dramas are always accompanied by good soundtracks.

It's like it gets to a super exciting part, and with THIS kind of music, your heart beats even faster and you feel even more. Amazing right(: The power of music muahahahhaha

2010-06-27T16:31:00.002+08:00

I have officially decided to take Trinity Guildhall's ATCL Recital Performance Diploma exam.(sounds totally cheem right i noe!!! XD) I don't know if i'm gonna kill myself with this or not.. but i decided to give a try anyway. So if you have any nice songs to recommend me, like if you're a genius and done with diploma already, you can help me out!!! Thanks and wish me luck!!! (: